Wee hours of Friday morning I cried in the arms of a boy who doesn’t love me and who I don’t love but we both wished we did because it would be so much easier. As I pulled away he held on tighter and it was all I could have asked for.
Came home this weekend for the first time in a while. It was like waking up from a dream that wasn’t good or bad and even though you wished it was real it left you feeling cold. All dialogue and no action, so if you tried to describe it to someone their eyes would glaze over, and they’d ask you why it was such a big deal. I came home and today my dad asked me if I wanted to feed the rabbit and her cataracts were more visible than ever and she was kind of tentative, like she wanted the food but she didn’t remember me and I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.